Today I am still in Jakarta and my family is still mourning for the loss of my uncle (beloved younger brother of my father). For the past 3 days I observed many things and as usual I like to contemplate them. So queietly I observed people’s reaction in the funeral home, while remembering the memory I have about my uncle. I noticed that my uncle’s family was still struggling to cope with their loss. It was too shocking for all of them and they had many visitors coming to express their condolonces. What is interesting to me is to listen to what they have to say when they sit down and start interacting with each other in the funeral home.
For the first 10 minutes they will mention about how good my uncle was… and that he will be missed and so on. I wish I could record them down and then give them to my cousins so they can be very proud about their beloved father. After 10 minutes, the conversation and the mood started to change… they start talking about other things. I am fine with that… nobody likes to talk about sad stuff all the time anyway. But to my surprise… I noticed that some of them start to do gossipping… and no offence… mostly who do that were the women. They started gossipping about other people who are also present in that place. I can’t help myself to hear what they said because… after all gossip is very interesting to hear hehehe.
“You see that young man who in black jacket ? He is the one who is squandering his family fortune.” one lady said to another. “oh really… yeah I can really tell from his face that he is a problematic person” the others added. Wow… this is getting interesting I told myself… then more and more gossips came up. These aunties surely were more informative than CNN because they were really into it and they told the story with 1000% enthusiasm. Then I realised that those kind of gossipping is not appropriate to be done in the funeral house… the place where some of people are mourning. But I know my place well… as Chinese I could not direspect to the elders by interupting their gossip session and rebuking them on the face. I just kept quiet… anyway it is democracy and everyone has freedom of speech… but I walked away from them.
I also found another group of people who are boasting about themselves on how much they have helped my uncle’s family with some things in the funeral house. “Luckily I did that… because no one else can… I helped this and that… I … I … I… “… OMG hearing them I want to vomit. Because they also draw so many wrong conclusions… in my heart I want to scream IF YOU WANT TO HELP OTHERS… PLEASE DO IT SINCERELY. The Bible teach us… if your right hand give something… let none knows… including your left hand. If we are sincere about helping others… best is let only God alone knows. We no need to tell others… including our family or friends.
Few things that also upset me… some of our family members didn’t come. I myself from Singapore purposely fly back to give my final respect and to give support to my aunty and cousins. Some of my other family members were sick so they can not come. To me being sick is not an excuse at all… if I were sick… I will still come even though staying there only less than 10 minutes to give my final respect to my uncle. I really feel that some of us really have forgotten those values instilled by our previous generation. But I really respected my grandmother and my grandfather’s younger brother… who despite being busy they still make themselves available to come to the funeral home. Really I respect them more and more from the bottom of my heart.
Looking at those that made me upset… then I realise that so many people are imperfect… all of us are imperfect before God. The Bible said it is better to be at the funeral house than in a party. I learn something today… not only to be wiser with the time I have left in this world… but I can clearly see the flaw of humanity. That people are egoistic in nature… they want to be recognized all the time… and some of us keep on spreading negative energy wherever we go hehehe. This is a lesson for me… to no longer be like them… and to be more like Christ. I can never change other people… including my own family… but I can change myself and make my Father in Heaver very proud.
Written by Handy Tirta Saputra on 3 Feb 2013.
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