In our life there are good things and bad things happened to us, which are as the result of what we did. The law of sowing and reaping is true in every aspect. What we do today will determine what we will become in the future. So it is important for us to look into our daily activities, because in every second lapsed, we are constantly sowing something into this world and into someone’s life be it good or bad. I myself had alcohol and pornography addiction, which I constantly struggled daily till this very moment. It was not easy back then and it is still not easy now, but with the grace of God, somehow it gets easier day by day.
I knew Jeremy, from Australia, around 3 months ago through this blog and yahoo messenger. With his permission, I am going to write something about him and he will read this entry (mate… I just want you to know that I love you as brother in Christ no matter what). Jeremy is a Christian and like many other men, he is too struggling with sexual addiction. We chat a lot and I really believe he told me nothing but the truth. It was very interesting for me, and at the same time I really feel I can relate to him very well. Though I never see his face, it seems he is like a mirror of myself in the way he thinks and feels about many things. So we tried to understand his thinking and motives that trigger that impulsive sexual craving. It was not easy… it was very messy.
He is battling loneliness, acceptance by friends, and most of the time just to have the thrills. Well… some of those activities contain some suspense that are a bit too much, IMO. In short form… he is the man that I personally know that pretty much has been doing all the most hardcore and dare daring sexual activity. Whatever you can think about, well he has done it (I went through the dirty list and he passed with 100% score). So knowing that he is seriously in need of help, I encouraged him to talk to his pastor, psychologist, and family about this. And he did that in the beginning, but as for now (and I don’t know until when) he is only talking to me because he felt he has dissapointed those I mentioned earlier.
Most of the time we only chat about our daily activities and talking about the progress. We tried to understand his mind first and spent too much time there. But I must admit that our method was not really effective. After 3 months it seems there were not much progress and we often talk about how guilty he was, everytime he lost the battle and repeated the same mistake again. Looking at our long conversation and counting… I came up with a number that may shock some of you. In January 2013 alone, in 1 month, Jeremy had 19 sexual encounters with 19 different women. Spiritually speaking… it was brutal.
We both felt defeated BIG TIME. For me mostly because I could not spend much time infront of computer when Jeremy needs me the most (because I accompanied friends that came to Singapore). And when the saga finally ended in the beginning of Feb 2013, both of us managed to reunite again and continued our fellowship via web chatting. I think we are the lost sheeps Jesus mentioned in the Bible. Maybe we are lost because of the greener grass that looks so tempting or perhaps we just want to go wild running around, be free from rules and authority. Whatever the reason or cause is, the fact is WE ARE LOST. And the only way we can return back is when we hear our shepherd’s voice calling our names and we reply to Him “BAAAAA” or in Indonesian languange “MBEEEEEEK” or in English means “Here I am my Lord”.
So yesterday I told Jeremy that our method was most probably wrong. We dwelt too much in our thinking and trying to make sense of it. The truth is nothing makes sense because we are lost and we are in the wrong path. The only way we can get it right is when we fill our mind and soul again with the word of God and start doing the words (put them into action), so in our spirit we can interact with God, who surely knows the right path to freedom from any kind of addictions. Jeremy said it makes sense to him and I know that it is the work of the Holy Spirit.
Then I challenged him, “Why Not Quitting Today“… and I received so many replies about why he thinks he can not. Our mind, body, and soul are bound by addiction… it is so difficult to break free by ourselves… it is worse than a fish caught in the fishing net. He said “I am not ready… I don’t know why I keep on doing this… I think I need it”. I told him “you can do it with the power from God. You can choose today not to bow down to that sinful activity anymore. You can condition your soul and mind to no longer need that.” He just kept quiet and he said “sorry… but today it is not going to happen… sorry to dissapoint you. You must be tired with me”.
I see the mirror of myself in Jeremy and perhaps millions of people out there are on the same boat with us, battling some kind of addiction, be it drugs, food, alcohol, etc. We are pretty messed up… and the society we are living in now are doing so little to encourage us stepping forward to seek help. I am not blaming the system, and I am not anti government… but I want to remind us that the control is in our hand. God loves us so much, to the point He does not like to force something on us. We must have the will to change… and in the way that are unexplainable (at least by me), the Holy Spirit will start guiding us and giving us a light of hope. Slowly and gently we start entering the narrow path that will bring us to real freedom.
So to my dear brother Jeremy… I am not giving up on you. Even if one day I do give up on you, just remember that Jesus Christ loves you unconditionally and He wants you to live this life to the fullest to please our Father in heaven. My prayer is with you and with millions of people out there battling addictions. God bless you all !
Written by Handy Tirta Saputra on 17 Feb 2013.
All glory to our Lord.
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